This past month I have found myself challenged by some of my closest friends (and myself) to confront a certain stuck-ness in my life. It’s like this:
I stopped teaching yoga.
I stopped trying to actively grow my skills as a health coach.
I write with 100% honesty on this blog, and I always try to dare myself to share a little bit more than feels completely comfortable. So there you have it. I feel like I lost that spark I had when I first graduated yoga teacher training and health coaching school. I got lost in my job. I got a little lost in my relationship. I got lost in feeling comfortable. I lost sight of my big picture goals and the kind of work I want to put out into the world. I’m humbled and embarrassed to admit it.
But here’s the weird thing, I realized while writing the above paragraph: I’m actually also super proud of the choices I made last year too.
I chose to put my focus elsewhere. I funneled energy into my job because it aligns so much with my passions. Some of the projects that I poured my heart into at work this year truly intersected with my own personal interests. The benefit yoga class for Whole Planet Foundation held at Black Crow Yoga in Arlington is a perfect example. I “worked” a yoga class. I mean, c’mon. For real? I realized next year I’d like to teach it.
In terms of my relationship, it was an incredibly happy and healthy one for me. It challenged on a very fundamental level my perception of how happy I can be. Let me be clear, I wasn’t happy because of the guy. I was happy because my relationship forced me to grow and become a bigger, better partner. I love the woman I grew into by being in that relationship. I changed habits. I grew up. I loved someone unequivocally when there was a LOT of uncertainty about our future. I dove the *bleep* in. All in the way in. I showed up for someone in the truest way I knew.
I have been sick enough to know, and spent just enough time in hospital beds to understand, that we are not guaranteed a thing. My biggest fears during my sickest days weren’t that I’d done something wrong, or I’d focused on the wrong things, but that I was holding back in the life I was living.
So yes, some areas of my life were stuck last year. In big ways. But some doors also blew wide open. I’m not going to sit here and write this blog beating myself about what didn’t happen. We all do that to ourselves all day long anyways. That’s the whole trick of this game we call life. What we did was enough. Who we are is enough.
And if, in this moment today, we crave something more or new or different it’s ours for the taking. No blame. No should-ing. Just decide to change and do the work. Re-create where you want to focus to go.
Go all in again. Again. And again. And your whole life transforms.
If I had to pick a word to describe my life right now it would be detox.
1.) I’ve been off sugar for about three weeks now. Refined sugar and the sneaky forms of unrefined sugar, like maple sugar, coconut sugar, date sugar, and tons of fruit. It’s helped me feel less emotional during this ahem charged point in my life, and it seems to be connected to how well I’m digesting my food. Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar program has inspired me a TON.
2.) I did my first castor oil wrap to start clearing out some of the toxins in my body. I’ve been oil pulling. I’ve been drinking lemon water. A friend introduced me to a fellow IIN grad who specializes in gut health and detoxing, and I’ve been SUPER into what she focuses on.
3.) The last part of this detox that’s probably the most important is a mental one. I’ve been caught up in some vicious negative thinking cycles lately, and if I can’t wrangle that in a little bit (and change the inside) the outside is going to look the same.