I was feeling kind of blah two weeks ago. I was uninspired, worn out and emotionally overwhelmed with all the change going on in my life. Earlier in April, I had re-aggravated an old achilles injury, and I knew that going to a power yoga class was probably going to make it worse. But I did it anyways.
I wanted to feel better, and I know how dramatic of an effect yoga has on my mood.
I don’t typically lean toward heated, power yoga, but this time I decided I was going to try this local studio I’d taken one class at previously. I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and in the process hopefully feel better.
I raced out of work to change my clothes at home and then drive back to a studio in the town that I work in, but I hit a TON of traffic. I don’t usually drive in that direction at that time of night, and it became clear after fifteen minutes that I had to turn around. There was no way I was going to make the 6pm class.
But I wasn’t having any of that. I needed yoga to help me out. So I thought, no problem, I’ll go to the 7:45pm class. (Over an hour of driving to get to a class that is about 15 minutes from my house at this point). I decided to eat my dinner (at around 6ish), do a few chores and then head back over to the studio.
I get to class, after having some smoked salmon, and I realize almost immediately that I’ve made an extremely poor choice. But whatever. I’ve taken hundreds of yoga classes at this point. I can get through it, I think. I’ll be totally fine.
I was the opposite of fine. I was so nauseous for the last half hour of the 90-minute class that I thought for sure I was going to throw up on everyone around me before all was said and done. That salmon, BAD IDEA.
On top of that, I didn’t respect my achilles. I did poses I knew would stress the tendon, and I didn’t listen to my body.
I pushed, and pushed and pushed some more. I wanted to will myself better. I hate feeling sad and out of sorts, and I wanted to force my way out of that feeling.
The next day, I did feel pretty terrific because I was able to sweat out so many toxins and feel strong and focused, but I also knew I’d pushed my body in a way that wasn’t smart or respectful.
I know if I hadn’t forced it with this class, I would’ve forced something else. It was a function of the space I was in…wanting to push past my feelings and feel invincible.
Here’s the gift that I wish I had given myself in that moment
May you be kind with yourself in the midst of challenges
May you ease up and slow down instead of trying to be more and move faster
May you acknowledge grace and lean on faith and trust
May you love yourself, even when it seems impossible. And trust that you are strong, and enough, in ways you can’t even begin to realize.
1.) Re-reading one of my all time favorite books A Woman’s Worth by Marianne Williamson. “Until a woman has given herself permission to be fabulous, she will not find herself with partners who promote her ability to be so. As long as she tears herself down, she will attract people who tear her down; she will find others who agree that she is undeserving and lacking as long as that is how she thinks of herself.”
2.) For those like myself who like to overthink the timing of things…“It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be.” -Mitch Albom
3.) I had a moment at work today where a woman I’ve gotten to know and look up to asked me for advice about a struggle she was going through. I said make an appointment, see the doctor, or just do what you think will help you address this issue – if it’s happening to you it’s because you’re meant to teach about it. And then I realized how true that statement was for me right now, in several different aspects of my life.