Blogger note: Learning to speak up has been a HUGE lesson for me. I hope you find this post helpful or share it with someone you know who may. Thank you for reading!
One Sunday afternoon after watching you worrying your father will bring up something rather important. He will remind you how imperative it is to talk through what’s bothering you.
He will tell you of times when you were a little girl (and a teenager) and you were quiet. Quiet enough to make people assume you were angry, bitchy, spoiled or a combination of the three.
He will be observant enough to see you will always need more time alone, holding on to these extra minutes or hours to process what you’re feeling. He won’t suggest you don’t take it, but that you learn to tell the ones you love that it’s something you’re doing for yourself, not out of spite.
“Katie,” he will say, “You have to help them realize you’re not mad. If you need time that’s fine, but don’t let it turn into shutting down or bottling up what’s bothering you.”
He will remind you how the eight-year old you handled your mother’s breast cancer diagnosis. That after a quiet spell started, chit-chats with Dad had to be instituted.
At twenty-five you will meet a naturopath who will ask you the question, “What’s the most common illness you had as a child?” Without blinking, you will answer strep throat.
You will make note of hospital stays on your intake form. Taken to the ICU via ambulance with a compromised airway in fourth grade. Diagnosed with five throat infections junior year of college.
It won’t be until you’re in the middle of learning about the chakras in a yoga class that you finally tie the two directly together. The fifth chakra, the throat, where the body demands that we speak our truth.
My body leaving this message literally on the tip of my tongue all these years.
You will stare the issue in the eye and realize something needs to be done. Breaking habits requires unwavering commitment, and demands that you remember the old “fall down nine times, get up ten” line of thinking.
Ultimately, you will forge a new pattern of speaking up uncomfortably and awkwardly to friends, parents, coworkers, bosses, boyfriends, roommates and doctors.
There are lots of days you don’t do it too, but you can’t beat yourself up about it. This is a do your best scenario.
There are days you choke back tears in between speaking the words you need to – and sometimes you swear you feel the pressure release in your body once you say what you need to.
1.) These lyrics from “Offering” by the Avett Brothers. P.S. Boston peeps, they’re coming to TD Garden March 8th.
And I’ve known others
And I’ve loved others too
But I loved them cause they were stepping stones
On a staircase to you
2.) I finally tried paleo-approved Caveman Cookies, and I was really disappointed! It’s not often that I say that. #Bummer
3.) I have had one heck of a time with my current apartment hunt. It has been extremely time intensive, and it’s brought up a lot of doubts for me about the city I’m living in. This quote has been inspiring me to stay in the right mental space, “Worry is a prayer for chaos.” -Gabrielle Bernstein