I’ll start this off with the dream first. And let’s just say I’m a VIVID dreamer.

I’m out a a cafe with a group of friends, and we’re talking, laughing and having fun. Then I turned around and look to my feet and someone has just placed a black rose there. In the dream, it was understood that there was this killer placing black roses at the feet of his victims before they were attacked. So, obviously this was pretty scary. I don’t usually dream about violent, intense scenarios like this. My dreams are usually more about messing up at work, deadlines, guys or silly stuff like that. Death isn’t usually front and center.

Okay, now hear me through on this one…

What are the things that you want that you’re not going after ? Where are you not showing up for yourself? Those have been the questions I’ve been asking myself this week. I feel a bit like I’m in this quiet place, this holding zone, trying to step up to some  big decisions and figure out what it is I want.

I keep getting so frustrated that I don’t yet have the answers. That the choices seem so simple, so straight forward. Why haven’t I made them? What’s holding me back?

A year ago, I wasn’t really listening to what I wanted and what I needed. I was still running around paying attention to all these other people in my life. I thought what they wanted, I should want. I thought what made them happy would make me happy. And so I’ve had to learn some tough lessons, and it has not been a fun process.  I’ve grumbled and sighed, but I’ve figured a lot out.

So the dream about the black rose did symbolize death, of that other woman I was trying to grow into, who just wasn’t me.